I have not had a chance to update BUT I *am* going to town and....

getting.....

produce
coffee
butter
parts for dh AND


a pregnancy test! lol

I have had to pee an abnormal amount at night.Maybe it is just that I am drinking alot but with the spotting and the one hot ear lol.I HAVE to check.

I would be SO totally shocked.lol

I am not waiting for FMU but I have been holding it in for the last hour and will continue to do so until I can get home and test.....I thought you would all like to know lol.

If you always do what you've always done.......

You will always get what you have always gotten.

I am thinking of what I have always done and trying to do the opposite.....

I have always:

Snacked on sugary things all throughout the day and had alot of desserts
Quit my exercise plan
Eaten too many carbs
Not gotten enough sleep

Surely if I:

Heavily moderate sweets
Be faithful to my exercise
Cut back on empty carbs and...
Get better sleep

I am GOING to lose!

HOW?

In the world did I GET here?????????

I was baffled today when I read Grace's blog on weight loss that she just started.She is 166! (Sorry Grace but....) Whoopeeeeee lol. That SOOOOOOO seems like NOTHING to me right now! I would be THRILLED to be at that weight! HOW did I ever allow myself to weigh this much? It honestly scares me.

Don't get me wrong Grace,I was that weight before conceiving my 4th child and I was so depressed at how much I weighed.JUST as depressed as I am now.I was SO embarrassed by my weight! Well,I was absolutley embarrassed of my weight when I was 158 and 149!!!!! Sickening!

I just want to cry when I think about it.

Then..........Titus is TOOOOOOO good of  a sleeper.He does't wake at night like the others to nurse! I had some spotting and last night my left ear was hot and my right one was NOT lol.That has been a sign of pregnancy for me.

WHAT IN THE WORLD?

What in the world would I do if I got pregnant??????? I have been assuming that I would have a year like I always do.

Of course I would welcome another baby ANYTIME 100% but I can tell you that if I got pregnant right now I would be SO immaculate about my eating/health/fitness.NO MESSING AROUND.It would scare me to death.

I will be back to posting my food log tomorrow!

Feeling better after reading and looking at motivating things......

Check out the new pink and blue picture on my sidebar! Isn't that an amazing and motivating picture! I have always considered my extra weight a sort of prison.I am picturing the REAL me trapped inside of this extra padding.I just need to shed the weight to SEE ME lol.

Anyhow I am writing out a goal plan because:

1.I like(no, LOVE) planning.There is just something about getting everything planned and written down that is SO encouraging!!!

2.I think that getting small goals written down will make my task not seem so HUGE.

3.I want to plan certain rewards for myself when I reach my goals.

SO,here is how I am going to do it.......I am going to divide the weight I have to lose up between all of my children lol.I know the weight I was before conceiving all of them lol.I will start from 230 since I gained a few pounds (SUCH A BUMMER).

My GOAL weight is 140 and that means I need to lose 90 pounds!!!!! (CRY) Can that REALLY be true?

That is pretty much 13 lbs per child that I put on.

SO I will work backwards and lose the weight from Titus first and eventually work up to losing Silas'! lol (Now that is some old weight! lol)

Goal #1-217 (Titus's weight GONE) By Feb 12
Goal #2-204 (Isaac's weight GONE) By Mar 18
Goal #3-191 (Ezekiel's weight GONE!) By April 22
Goal #4-178 (Tobias' weight GONE!) By May 27
Goal #5-165 (Patience's weight GONE!) By July 1
Goal #6-152 (Vashti's weight GONE!) By Aug 5
Goal #7-140 (Silas' weight GONE!) By Sept 25

I would love to have the weight gone by Titus's first birthday.That is over 8 months or aprox 37 weeks and I need to lose 2.5 lbs a week from here on out to do it.I think it is possible and a healthy rate if I am SERIOUS about it.

So,this is my plan........!

Downright DISCOURAGED!!!!

I am getting that old sinking feeling that I have undone everything over the last week.....I HATE THAT! I HAVE to just keep going........I will get past this......

Good morning!

I usually don't get on during weekday mornings because I  don't; turn my computer on until afternoon but this morning I needed to have it on for something so thought I would update and say that........

I am REALLY having a hard time getting back on it when I am in the middle of the week!!!!I told you that I like to start things on MONDAYS! lol AND I feel that I DID lose ground by having some time off.I didn't go all the way OFF but I still feel like I went BACK a few steps.I did not weight myself.....

Ok.....I just did and it is just what I thought.I am up a few pounds.SO DEPRESSING.Oh well......This is usually where I get discouraged and just quit but I can't do that.I am just going to go back at it TODAY.It is a new day,even if it is not a new week.Hopefully I can have things going in the right direction again by NEXT MONDAY instead of REALLY feeling like a failure on Monday.

I am getting really TIRED of not seeing the scales go down.

This morning I am going to have for.....

Breakfast......Green smoothie with cottage cheese (protein)

Lunch-salad (already made)

Supper-Soup/salad/bread (NOT much bread)

Maybe I will have a SMALL treat tonight during our "date" :) bu I am going to have NO sweets all day today.NOTHING more than what I said here except I may have a snack (apple and pbutter) if I get hungry between meals.

I plan on exercising too AND geting all of my water in!

Off for now!

Ok........I am ready to go back at it again!

Brandy and her family are GONE lol.I ended up not keeping track of sweets after a few days because I just wasn't eating much and didn't feel the need.I am ready to start again EVEN THOUGH IT IS NOT A MONDAY lol.I almost ALWAYS start things on Mondays but I am not looking at this as a START because I never QUIT.I am just going back at what I already started.........I did good over Christmas with my eating,drinking and we even exercised some.I am ready to really crack down now though.

So I am just signing in to say I am "back".I will update soon!